Grieving For Your Pet

By Jenny Jackson
Because pets live for a shorter time than us, pet owners are likely to experience the death of a pet or a number of pets during their lifetime.

You have a strong emotional bond to your pet. Pets often provide us with genuine and consistent unconditional love and acceptance, the sort of nonjudgmental companionship that can be hard for people to provide. Non pet owners may find it hard to understand these feelings.

Many pet owners see their pets as members of their family. Pets often enhance our quality of life. We are more likely to outwardly express affection to pets and they can increase the amount of joy in a household. Pets can assume great importance during difficult or stressful times, like illness, death of a family member or family break-up.

Grief reactions

It's hardly surprising then that you might respond to the death of your pet in the same way you would respond to the loss of a significant person in your life. The grief process typically starts with a sense of numbness and disbelief, followed by painful feelings of guilt, sadness and depression. Feelings of guilt may be greater if you feel somehow responsible for your pet's death or that you didn't do enough to protect your pet from harm.

It is not unusual to feel anger as well, possibly directed at the vet if you feel he or she did not do enough to prevent your pet's death, particularly if the death followed an illness. You may become preoccupied with thoughts and memories of your pet and find it hard to concentrate on other things. Over time, you are likely to feel more acceptance of the loss and eventually feel open to having a new pet.

Everyone is different however, and some people simply feel the loss more intensely or for a longer time than others. The circumstances of your pet's death will also determine how it affects you. A sudden death may feel more intense than after a prolonged illness, or if you have made a decision to euthanize. If you have experienced your pet's loss after a number of other losses, animal or human, this can compound your reaction. There is also some evidence to suggest that women may experience grief over pet loss more intensely than men, although both men and women bond equally with their pets.

If you are grieving for a pet, you should know therefore that it is perfectly normal to feel this loss as intensely as you would a family member or cherished friend. It is difficult when others are insensitive to this and don't recognise the importance of your pet in your life. If you can, try to find people to talk to about it who love animals and can understand your feelings. The Internet can lead to you to wonderfully supportive communities of animal lovers if you can't find anyone like that around you.

Grief involves wanting to maintain a connection with someone who is no longer with us. Although you can no longer have the physical connection, you can keep pieces of your beloved pet's life around to ease the loss. Place a framed photo on your wall or shelf, keep your pet's collar and bowl. In time, you will look at them less and feel less pain when you do.

Go easy on yourself. Loving animals is a beautiful thing.